Friday, March 27, 2009

One of the Boys

I saw a spider
I didn't scream
Cuz I can belch
The alphabet
Just double dog
Dare me
And I chose
Guitar over ballet
And I take
These suckers down
Because they just
Get in my way
The way
You look at me
Is kinda like
A little sister
By your goodbyes
And it leaves me
Nothing but blisters

So I don't want to be
One of the boys
One of the guys
Just give me a chance
To prove to you
I'm neither
I just wanna be
One of the girls
Pretty in pearls
Not one of the boys

So over the summer
Something changed
I started reading 17
And shaving my legs
And I study
The litter religiously
And I walked
Right into school
And caught you
Drooling over me
Cuz I know
What you know
But now your gonna have
To take a number
It's ok
Maybe one day
But not until you give
Me my diamond ring.

Cuz I don't want to be
One of the boys
One of your guys
Just give me a chance to
Prove to you tonight
That I just want to be
Your homecoming queen
Their poster dream
Not one of the boys

I wanna be a flower
Not a dirty weed
And I wanna smell
Like roses
Not a baseball team

And I swear
Maybe one day
Your gonnna
Wanna make out
Make out, make out
With me.

(Don't wanna be)
Don't want to be
(Don't wanna be)
Don't want to be
(Don't wanna be)

Cuz I
I don't wanna be one
One of the boys
I just wanna be
One of the girls
So pretty in pearls
Not one of the boys

Thursday, March 26, 2009

Social Experiment

It has been brought to my attention (persistent comments from Priscilla) that maybe men have been discouraged from approaching me because of Whitney’s “commitment” rings that I wear on my “engagement” finger. As seen in the picture below. So, let’s do an experiment. I will switch the rings on my hands and wear them that way for the next month. And will report any noticeable changes as a result, which I’m sure will be none.

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Facebook 25 Things

Just so you know I’m a crazy person (and completely random) and these “25 facts” reflect that.

1. This is actually an embarrassing fact. When I’m making that long commute to and from work, I like to look at all the other cars on the road. But not just look at them, I count them. I’ve also started an unofficial investigation of which Car Company is most popular in the Pacific Northwest. I even contemplated bringing along a pad of paper and a writing implement to tally them for future spreadsheets. But then I thought that might be a bit much and might verge on the insane.

2. I love to dance and I do it almost everyday, for at least an hour, usually up in my room. Even on the nights that I go out and get my groove on, I usually do some “warming up” earlier, which can result in me dancing for more than 4 hours in a single day.

3. I don’t have an appendix; it was removed in the 5th grade. I have a cute little scar. If you’re lucky I might show it to you sometime. ;D

4. I’m a pretty open person and I don’t have too many secrets. I wear my heart on my sleeve and if I don’t like you-you probably know it.

5. I’ve been taught how to ride a bike roughly 6 times in my lifetime. It never stuck and I finally gave up.

6. I missed half of the first grade because (continued in number 7)

7. I got sick and it took 6 months to diagnosis me with Ehrlichiosis, a bacterial disease (most common in dogs) transmitted by infected ticks. I was the first (human) reported case in Washington State. I was never treated and was fine the next year.

8. I shot a hand gun for the first time this year-got a bullseye!

9. Everything about me is tiny, including my red blood cells.

10. I can develop a crush on most guys. I even developed one because Leah told me I should.Leah: You should like so and so. You guys would be cute!Sarah: Okay!

11. I love babies and kids, but I’m afraid of having my own, especially if they’re like me!

12. I’m a massage whore. Not in a dirty way, I just like to be touched!

13. If I could be anyone else, I would be Kristen Chenoweth, because she’s adorable!!

14. Once I’m married, I fully intend to post a list of all the guys I wanted to or would have dated (since I was 18) if they had even tried. It’s a slap to those who could have had this (points to self) and a slap to those that couldn’t…hehehe. Yeah, I’m a mean girl, but I’ve been burned a lot in my day-so I think it’s warranted!

15. I love being naked-naked as a baby.

16. I love springtime, especially in the Northwest.

17. I want to recreate the final dance scene in Dirty Dancing, perform it for a talent show, and have the time of my life. That would be lots of fun!

18. Medical things, the way the body works, different diseases-all interest me, I love reading about them. But I can’t watch them (medical shows, pictures, diagrams) they make my stomach turn.

19. I love anything Ancient Egypt related, always have, and always will.

20. I want to learn how to do back flips.

21. If I say something weird and you don’t understand, it’s probably a movie or tv quote and therefore you wouldn’t.

22. I contemplated having a sketch comedy show, but very few Americans would think it was funny…

23. I want to go around Pike Place Market and pretend to be a tourist with an accent.

24. I love confusing peoples and being tricksie!

25. I hate talking on the phone and I hate calling people. I have huge anxiety from it!

26. I stand on my tippy toes. At least one foot is almost always raised when I’m doing something-brushing my teeth, preparing food/cooking, cleaning, singing…..apparently I do it all the time (thanks Julie). Is it because secretly I’m part cat? Meow…

27. When I’m alone in my car I practice my accents, someday I’ll be good enough to show the world, but until then it will remain in my car.

**Addendum to number 14-I will also put little notes like “you could have been a winner” or “you should have tried-loser” in my wedding announcements. Hahaha!!

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Roommate Breakfast of Champions

Again, names have been changed to protect us. And you won’t figure out whose yoohoo is whose because we be tricksie!!

Sarah: I have that song stuck in my head. “L O V E-love.”
Amy: What song is that?
Sarah: Bridgette burned it for us. It’s this song about a guy who’s in love with this girl and he says (singing) “love, I’m in love, I’m in love, I’m in love, I’m in love, I’m in love, I’m in love, I’m in love. Like a glove, like a glove, like a glove-I’d stick to you!” And then he finds out she doesn’t love him and he ends the song with (singing) “I’m not in love with you; I’m going to find my next girlfriend-today's my find a girlfriend day. Thank you very much.”
(Amy laughs)
Sarah: I don’t know, maybe I just like it because it reminds me of Larry.
(Amy & Leah laugh)
Sarah: You know, he’s all “I’m so in love with you” and then he finds out they have no interest in him and he’s like “Oh I didn’t like you anyway! I’m in love with this ugly girl that I say is beautiful over here and she has nothing to do with you! And I’m going to announce it on facebook!!”
Amy: Well, he recently changed his profile picture to of him and a girl! So.
(Leah and I have commiserating looks of confusion.)
Leah: What?
Sarah: No he didn’t.
Amy: Yeah he’s with a girl.
Sarah: No, that’s Shaniqua! (Name has been changed to a feminine because apparently he is….)
(We all laugh-pants pissing successfully avoided! Result!)
Amy: Sorry, it was a small picture when I was looking at it last night.
(Edited break in conversation)
Leah: Well, I hope he’s happy with whatever skinny-assed transvestite he ends up with!
Sarah: Or Shaniqua.
(Laughter ensues)
Amy: Oh that makes me sad for the guys in the ward…don’t they want to have sex?
Sarah: Uh no! Remember my conversation with that guy on Sunday? (Imitating guy’s voice) “Well, you’re wearing a ring and you’re attending a singles ward full of men that want to get married.” And Bridgette and I were like “Uh, no they don’t!” and he was like “Well, I want to get married.” And I was thinking “Of course…that’s why you’re talking to us!”
Leah: Yeah, guys that are ready to get married flirt with us-because, well, they want to have sex. All the rest avoid us like the plague.
Amy: Yeah, probably standing in the corner.
Leah: Holding themselves.
(Much laughter to be had!! I love our mornings!)

Monday, March 23, 2009

I five year old!

I five year old today!!

Happy birthday Cooper!! You may be five today, but you're still a puppy!!

Conversations this past week that made me smile and/or laugh….

(Names have been changed to protect our dirty little secrets. If you think you’ve figured out who the male characters are in this piece you are wrong, because we are that clever! Haha!!)

Sunday evening funsies galore! Featuring Bridgette, Leah, Sean, and moi!
Sarah: Okay, imagine I was Bob, Larry was me, and Bridgette you’re Larry.
Bridgette & Leah: Okay.
Bridgette: Why am I Larry?
Sarah: Because we need to be friends.
Bridgette: Okay.
Sarah: Right. But let’s pretend we’re not as good of friends as we really are. And I told Larry all that stuff that Bob told me about Larry and Bridgette and Larry flipped out and started crying; well, not crying because he’s a guy. But you could tell he was really upset. As Bob, I would have been really upset. You know?
Bridgette: Because it affected Larry so much?
Sarah: Exactly, I was hoping that if I told Larry all of that stuff, he would run into my arms and tell me he loves me-not be upset. Wouldn’t you?
Leah: Oh yeah.
Bridgette: Oh, I get it; yes I would have been pissed.
Leah: Wait, who am I?
Sarah: You’re Matt.
Leah: Who’s Matt?
Sarah: Matt’s you.
Leah and Bridgette talk and laugh at this.
Sarah: Wait….who’s Bob??
Leah and Bridgette: You are.
Sarah: (louder) No, who’s Bob?
Leah and Bridgette: (much louder) You are.
Sarah: (much, much louder) No! The real Bob!
Leah and Bridgette: Oh!!
We all laugh.
Sarah: He’s a ga-nome!
More laughter!

Bridgette: I would bet that the guys gossiped more than the girls.
Sarah: Oh yeah I bet they do.
Leah: Like little school girls.

Sean: I’m coming up. Stop your girl talk.
Sarah: Did you say pillow talk?
Leah: (singing) Pillow talk. Pillow talk.
Sean: No, I said girl talk.
Sarah: Oh, because I was going to say “But Sean, none of us are interested in each other.”
Bridgette: Maybe we should just have a pillow fight.
Sarah: (picking up a pillow and giggling) pillow fight!

Bridgette and I, loitering in the hall between church meetings.
Anonymous Man: Do you have any kids?
Sarah: Me? No, why would I have kids?
AM: Well, you’re married. (Gestures to my ring finger)
I look down at Whitney’s commitment rings on my left hand.
Sarah: (talking to Bridgette) Oh my goodness, that’s the second time today someone noticed that!
AM: Well, you’re wearing a ring and you’re attending a singles ward full of men that want to get married.
Sarah & Bridgette: Uh, no they don’t!
AM: Well, I want to get married.

A former employee came to the office this morning to visit.
Sarah: Hello!
Kelly: Hello…Oh my goodness you look amazing!
Sarah: (laughs a little) Thank you.
Kelly: Wow, I didn’t think you’d still be here. You look wonderful!
Deborah: She’s always looked wonderful.
Kelly: Yes, well, she was cute before, but now she’s bloomed. Wow.
Sarah: (awkward laughter)
Kelly: She’s in full bloom-looking like that. I would have expected you to be married and popping out babies looking like that.
Deborah: Oh don’t get us started on that!

And my final smile moment….I’m embarrassed to say this, but I have a crush on a bouncer at a club downtown. Because, well, he’s tall, has a deep voice and a beautiful face, nice body, and he’s cute. Seriously, he dances and sings along to the songs-it’s so adorable! Friday we went out dancing and instead of making eyes at the patrons, I have to admit, I watched him almost the whole time. When we were done we decided to leave out the back door where he was standing (hehehe). We got about two feet from the door and then a bunch of women walked over and blocked us from being able to leave. He saw this and pushed them out of the way, turned on his flash light so we wouldn’t trip, and guided us through the door. I was the last to pass by him and when I did he whispered in my ear “I love your shoes!” I thanked him and then he whispered “you look really wonderful tonight!” Seriously?? He had to say that? Bitch! That so didn’t help my crush!

Thursday, March 19, 2009

Woman or Women?

“Prosecutor: Bellingham van thieves knew children were inside
Two women who stole a van left running in the Meridian Street Cost Cutter parking lot saw two small children inside but took it anyway, they told authorities after being arrested.”

While this is an interesting story, it’s not the reason I’m blogging. There is in fact a funny story to go along with this news blurb. For whatever reason (possibly because this took place across the street from where we work) Priscilla, Patty, and I were looking at the picture of these two ladies and reading the headline. Here is the conversation that ensued, now remember, Priscilla is from South Africa. So, please imagine this with an accent:

Priscilla: Is that the picture?
Patty & I: Yes.
Priscilla: Are those two *pause* woman? (Yes, she said woman and not women)
Patty: (in a patronizing tone) Yes Priscilla, and those two in the background are the police officers!

Oh my goodness, I almost pissed my pants. Well at least one thing made me laugh today!

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Thank you Prudence, thank you!

A dear Prudence letter-thank you Prudence for your sass!

Dear Prudence,

My boyfriend and I are in a healthy and loving relationship, and we are beginning to talk about marriage. We both want the same number of kids at the same point in our lives. It is presumed that these will be our biological children. The issue is, I'm not sure that I would want to bear my boyfriend's children. While he is incredibly intelligent and has a great personality, he is markedly less physically attractive than I am. We get occasional lighthearted comments from friends and family about the discrepancy. Having biological children has never been important to me, and I think adoption is great. I believe that he will be an amazing father and that our children, biological or adopted, would be bright and well-behaved as a result of good parenting. Should I bring these thoughts up with him? I think he would be open to the idea of adoption but would also be hurt by my rationale. At what point should we discuss this more seriously, and how should I tell him how I feel?
—Skinny Bitch

Dear Skinny,

You're wise to avoid the potential tragedy of reproducing with your boyfriend: Your children could get his looks and your personality. Perhaps your boyfriend's already got an inkling of how you feel because of the Leonardo DiCaprio mask you ask him to wear when you make love. And although Brad and Angelina are both fecund and support adoption, I'm not sure they're going to agree to place any of their future progeny with you just to help you avoid the embarrassment of having a child who looks like your boyfriend. I'm trying to imagine how you initiate this discussion with him. Something like: "I look forward to spending the rest of my life with you. But when it comes to having kids, I'm sure that if we adopt we'll have a better shot of having decent-looking ones than if I let you impregnate me with your hideous sperm." That should go over well! What's supposed to happen when you are in love with someone (who also happens to be intelligent and have a great personality) is that you discover, despite objective measures, that person is beautiful to you. Your boyfriend sounds like a catch, so maybe you should toss him back so that he has a chance to find someone who's not permanently stuck in the shallow end.

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Needle in a Haystack

Actually it wasn’t a needle, it was a ring (one of Whitney’s commitment rings), and that wasn’t no haystack either, it was a Victoria’s Secret panty drawer. Okay, let’s go back to the beginning. Yesterday evening Leah and I went to Victoria’s Secret to do a little underwear shopping. As I was looking through about 7 drawers (like the ones highlighted in this photo) of rather tiny but well stocked knickers, I realized one of my rings had slipped off my hand. At that moment I thought it was lost forever. Leah, at little more optimistic (who knew) opened the last drawer I was looking in and found it almost immediately! Thank goodness-now I don’t have to write Whitney and tell her I lost her ring in a panty drawer, although she’d probably find that funny! ;D

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

I forgot....

How much I love him! If I had a type, it'd be "foxy"! ;D

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Hearts and Sunshine and Birthday Greetings!

The happiest heart shaped birthday wishes to my dearest and bestest, best friend Whitney!! I’m sending you 300,000,000 hearts and sunshine beams from my laser guided eyes all the way across the Atlantic to you in Rome! Pretty powerful stuff! I love you with all my heart (Exhibit A) and I miss you like crazazazy!!!!

Exhibit A

The Difference Between Men & Women.

Thank you Priscilla for another clever video!

Monday, March 09, 2009

My blog

I followed Ivy's example and created one of these at
Wordle: Untitled

Friday, March 06, 2009

Heathcliff!!! It's me Cathy!

Last one for the day-I promise!

I almost pissed my pants when I saw this! Now I can’t get this song out of my head….thanks Bridge! ;D

Beau Hunk of the Day

I viewed a guy that viewed me on Linkup today who’s Profile Headline was this:

I wanna kill the sexiest person alive...but suicide’s a crime :)

Really? I mean he wasn’t unfortunate…but he wasn’t a Hugh Jackman either!

Umi Sake House and Hitler

I went out to dinner to Umi Sake House in Belltown on Wednesday (delicious!) and the guy that refilled our water glasses had a striking resemblance to Hitler. Not like he really looked like him, but more he was going for that look. Michael wanted me to take a picture (because blog posts are always better with pictures!), but I couldn’t. So when I was finding a picture of Hitler for this post I realized, I think he actually was going for the Hitler look. His mustache wasn’t as tiny, but he was spot on with the hair…it’s kind of creepy when you think about.